Thursday, August 27, 2009

On How I Hate Change and Don't Deal Well with Uncertainity

As the tag line for this blog promises, I generally try to keep things mostly about knitting and crafting. Today is going to be an exception. I'm going to allow it to get personal. My life is filled with uncertainty just now. Three weeks ago The Boyfriend fell victim to a pretty huge lay-off, and as we are all well aware, the job market still pretty much sucks. This lay-off means a lot of economic uncertainty for our household, and it could also potentially mean a move out of Texas.

The bright-sunny way to spin this is as "an opportunity for change..." and "...exciting possibilities". I've tried that outlook on for size and sadly, it only sort of fits.

Mostly I don't deal well with change. I'm the kind of person who gets thrown completely off my game if my favorite brand of paper towels changes their packaging. I have a morning routine that happens in exactly the same order everyday. I have been drinking my morning coffee out of the same cup, and only that cup for close to 6 years. I like things to stay the same.

And I fair just as poorly with uncertainty. I'm a first-class worrier. I worry. I get it from my Dad, and I've always believed he is sorry he gave it to me.

The worrying makes it pretty darn near impossible for me to concentrate on anything for more than about 2 minutes. And this lack of concentration means not much knitting, a small pile of started but unfinished nuno felted projects, several half-sketched and half-baked design ideas, and the reading comprehension skills of a third grader.

It has also resulted (and this the bright side again) in a really really clean house, lots of random cooking and food preparation, and many loads of laundry.

I'd be a big fat liar if I tried to tell you or myself that I can shake the lack of concentration entirely and get on with the creative, thinking-required tasks at hand. I know that I can't. But a creative soul can not survive on laundry alone, and so today I have struggled and fought and spent the last 90 minutes wrestling these words together and this post into existence. It's a start, and it has at least kept me in one spot for better than an hour, and it feels productive in its own way. It's what I've got for now, but I'll keep you posted.


  1. well crap. but moving is a big change. BIG. even people who like to shake up the morning mug routine struggle with a move out of state. hey, at least it rained. don't go!

  2. Even when it's "an opportunity for new beginnings" and all that, transition and uncertainty is HARD! It looks way better in the rear view mirror... Good for you, putting these thoughts out there. I guess this reminds me of something from one of the only parenting books I like -- the authors talk about how the kiddos go through a continuous spiral from equilibrium to disequilibrium and back again. I think we ALL do that; the swings are usually less dramatic when we're adults, but hard times take us back to that high-contrast way of living. The fact that it's hard-wired into the human condition is cold comfort!

    Wish I could ease the pain!